Grace

I just wanted to share about a little baby with a cleft lip and palate who had been seen by those in the infant feeding programme (this serves to bring those babies who are underweight and malnourished up to weight in order for them to be able to have their operations).

Her name is Grace. She was born to parents who are missionaries in Benin and is 10 weeks old. She weighs 3kg and has not put on weight since her birth despite her parents feeding her as much as her tiny body will allow; a few drops every half and hour. I was called to see her by the dietician who was concerned that she was looking much worse. Most of the tiny volume of formula that they have been able to get down her seems to be going into her lungs. Add to this her cleft lip, palate and the congenital malformation of her jaw and the work of her breathing is maximised and laboured. When I saw her she looked very distressed and sick and I knew I was faced with the difficult decision of what we could do.

Ultimately we are not a medical facility; we are a surgical ship, which is able to do a limited number of specialised operations. This may seem like a hard and callous boundary to draw but I have learnt over the time being here it is an important distinction to make. Ultimately our patients generally tend to be medically healthy and the bed a medical patient takes up is one which could potentially block another of the countless patients we have turning up to the dock every day. Also, as we have a limited period of time being in a country, this is something which has to seriously be taken into account. These are questions which are almost impossible to ask and even more difficult to answer. Who are we to be choosing? Struggling with these kind of quesitons over the weeks I have learnt the only thing we can do is to bring this all under the will of God and attempt to discern the answers in some way, trusting in his sovereignty and direction.

After many discussions with the chief medical officer, anaesthetists, hospital managers and other people we came to the decision that we had to do something to help to get her over her acute illness, if possible. A feeding tube was placed and she was started on antibiotics to help with her chest infection. We also saw God's amazing hand of provision and grace as the staff working both on the day shift and night were intensive care paediatric nurses, completely at ease and very excited about a familiar kind of patient for them!

Unfortunately after a seemingly promising first day she took a turn for the worse. Her breathing became more laboured and she began to no longer tolerate the feeds. We did a chest X-ray, which showed that her heart was massively enlarged. We do not have the technology here to further diagnose or clarify but this showed us that she would not be able to tolerate an operation, even if we could get her to the weight needed. Add to this the likelihood that her heart will continue to fail without a massive surgical intervention and it was down to us to tell the parents that her condition was incurable and without a miracle would cause her life to be shortened.

Her parents are missionaries in Benin and have been working there for the past 8 years, ministering to the voodoo villages and strongholds in the south of the country. They have another 3 girls; 10, 8 and 5 years old; Testimony, Favour and Miracle. The mother had been through so much over the months prior to Grace being admitted with us; she had just lost her mother, had been admitted herself to an ITU being critically ill with complications from diabetes and had been struggling with Grace's birth and coping with the subsequent 10 weeks.

We were waiting for the father to arrive from Benin, where he was with his other children, before telling them the news. We had called them to come as soon as they could as we didn't know whether or not she would survive the night with her oxygen saturations being so low.

I was paged later on that evening to say he had arrived. He had been found at the port gate, exhausted and hungry. They had spent the last of their money searching desperately for a cure for Grace. They had been promised that through various investigations something could be done, but they had just given all of their money away. He had set off from Contonou, Benin that morning but as he had run out of money had had to run between the taxis he could afford.

Speaking to him that evening was so difficult; he kept on clutching at any hope we would give him. This involved questions about taking Grace to the West and when I said that a baby as broken as Grace may not survive in a western hospital he suggested the option of taking her to a pastor in Nigeria to have her prayed over. Trying to put it as directly as I could that she may not survive the journey to either of us these places, let alone even last the night. He said simply that we would have to trust God for the miracle and that whatever his will was was the right plan.

This simple, child like faith that God could and may fulfill his promises challenged me. Am I being too worldly and medically focused? If it was possible is this not a miracle? Am I limiting God to my own thoughts?

Please be praying for them all as a family, as they go through these deep waters. That they would know God's presence and comfort and would be able to say as with Job 'The Lord gives and takes away, may the name of the Lord be praised'.